Suck it, Weird Cancer Guy

Radioactive test and ultrasounds went great yesterday. Here’s the best part: They did not see a spread to my lymph nodes. Take that, Weird Cancer Guy! You’re fat, yet contained. The port surgery went great, thanks to the extraordinarily nice nurses and fantastic anesthesiologist at Good Sam (didn’t pass out or get sick!) They laughed when Brian asked for 15 minutes alone behind the curtain so we could make out. What a perv.

Next up, more tests, then chemo next Wednesday. Also, the director of the Knight Cancer Center sent me a nice note that they are working on remodeling, but that it wouldn’t be started before I start chemo. Maybe we can do something in the meantime? Something that doesn’t involve clowns. Also found out that my hair will jump ship before my scheduled haircut. Awesome! Just saved some money there.

My three positive thoughts after yesterday:

1. Weird Cancer Guy hasn’t spread! Hooray!

2. My friends are offering cleaning services. Double kick-a awesome.

3. There are free wigs at the hospital donated by Pantene. Hoping for beehive!

Here’s Weird Cancer Guy, created by my amazing daughter, Olivia:

Your pants are on backwards and there’s butter on them

Yeah, that’s my morning with my six-year-old fashion queen. At least I didn’t have to dispense live worms in kindergarten. Leave that one to the professionals. Tonight is UBER CLEAN OPEN MIC at O’Connors over in Multnomah Village at 7 pm. Join us to laugh or take the stage. We’ll be practicing for our next shows at Curious Comedy Theater and Rave in the Nave. So it’s like a free show for you!

Is this true?

People are asking questions. They started reading my book, Sass Mouth, and one word comes to their minds: “Disturbing.” Thankfully, that’s not the only word. They also say they enjoy the writing and that they want to give me a hug. (Thanks, Julia and Jon.) The thing is, they know me now. They know I am a happily married mother of two with a fairly flatline existence. If it weren’t for performing stand up every month, I’d be quoting more Alec Baldwin lines from 30Rock like the writer-geek that I am. I’m hoping the people who don’t know me at all get it that overcoming a bad set up can be done. Destiny can be redirected, and happiness truly is the best revenge. Word!

Woman No. 119

Andrea Leoncavallo, amazing photographer, said she dove headfirst into her project without giving it a ton of thought. Hmm, that sounds familiar. For her project, “Women, Untitled,” she will photograph 365 women and chronicle their stories on her site: http://www.lionhorseproductions.com/. Today, I got to be that woman.

I suggested Flutter, a store at 3948 N. Mississippi because of its zany array of stuffed birds, flowing gowns, baubles and spectacular bird cage mounted to the wall. They also have a vintage typewriter advertisement I almost tackled, I loved it so much. There simply isn’t another store like this. Everywhere you look, there’s something cool to see. Something you may have not seen before. Like ever. (Stuffed peacock perched on chandelier? You don’t see that at Target.)

Please check out all the amazing women at: http://www.lionhorseproductions.com/

The “Upside” to TIME OUT

Jillian Starr's premiere article rocks!

Jillian Starr is one talented momma alright. She delivers crazy hilarious readings on the TIME OUT stage. My favorite is her essay on the time she got whiplash by flipping her head around making her hair big. So she had to go to the prom in a neck brace. So she takes on writing her first article for The Portland Upside. Lucky for us, it was about the TIME OUT show. And what does she do, knocks it out of the park. Not to mention she nailed me with this one:

“If Ellen DeGeneres’ and Steven Wright’s comedy had a baby, and the baby grew up to be a mother of two, it would be Jacki Kane.”

Check it out at:
http://articles.portlandupside.com/2009/12/mother-comedian-jacki-kane-gives.html

Thanks for writing such a nice piece about me and the show. Looking forward to reading more from Jillian. Go, Jillian, go!!

Brody Theater rocks

Empty stage at Brody. Not for long.

Open Mic Night. 9:45 pm sign up. Betsy and I get there after walking past a gaggle of drag queens over at Embers. Nothing makes me feel safer in a neighborhood than drag queens. I’m serious – if there’s one person you want defending you, it’s a drag queen. I have immense respect for anyone who can kick A in those heels.

Hands down, Brody Theater has the best open mic ever. That’s because the owner Tom is a veteran of stand-up comedy. So boy howdy does he know what it’s like. He didn’t even make us pay! And, there was an actual audience there, besides comics and musicians.

The audience appreciated Betsy Kauffman’s Jewish perspective on Christmas. They were nice to me too. They actually laughed. Another comic who impressed us was a 16-year-old guy named Alex from Vancouver. We’ve performed with him before at Curious. But this time was fantastic – he delivered some of the most original material we’ve seen. And his mother was there!! Go mom, supporting your stand-up comic kid and NOT letting him do blue material.

Now where did I leave my waist?