Talk squawky to me

I love a bitch fest as much as the next guy. So why am I not feeling the phone vibrating my ear drums as I hear about another less-than-cranial move by a husband? Where’s all the talk about parenting angst and general unhappiness? And what about the searing deception when movie boyfriends suddenly get married? I’m talking about you, Daniel Craig. I’ll tell you where all the hardcore bitching is – it’s nowhere is where it is. Because my friends are PROTECTING ME. They think having cancer trumps anything they’re going through. But it isn’t true. I swear! No wonder my summer is so quiet. I feel so peaceful, I almost watched Whatever Happened to Baby Jane again, for crying out loud. I’m getting ZERO service again at coffee houses, which resets my over-40 status to invisible. No more special cancer treatment for me. So bring it on, ladies. Make me want to eat chocolate and swill martinis. I can take it!


1- Here’s one cool thing about radiation. I come home wiped out and get to take a nap while Brian makes dinner.

2- Got to hang out with Steven at a cafe just in time for a mime with a guitar and like 200 toddlers. Singing “You are my sunshine” as an alien trapped underwater ROCKED.

3- Had coffee with my pal Mary, who refreshed my senses with a full download of a truly crappy day.  I needed that!

An emotional toll

Somewhere in shouldering the weight of my cancer, Steven’s immune system let him down. Now he’s got mono. I told his doctor everything about how, since he was born, he took responsibility for things he shouldn’t. How he joined Brian and me in fighting cancer instead of staying a kid bystander. How he stayed so strong around me, then fell apart at school. I feel so bad about the amount of stress the cancer situation has caused. Then, he envisioned a summer of regaining fun only to find out that radiation could send him back into cancer duty. I realize we can’t hand him tools to deal with all of this. I’m hoping we can find the right person to help equip him for now and the rest of his life. Because this is just the first level of suck. Other sucky things will happen. I can only hope he gets better prepared because of this.


1- Really looking forward to helping Steven return to the world of kids. Soon.

2- The radiologist/oncologist needs at least a week to plan radiation. That means we can go somewhere, but probably not somewhere sunny. As long as somewhere is not my house, I’ll be happy.

3- Brian set up a ping pong table Barrett loaned us. Dreaming of epic ping pong battles to come!