Not sure about you guys, but I’m tired of looking at my iPhone 20 MILLION times a day to see what time it is. I already look at it enough, not to mention I did slam my coconut head into a pole one day. So I ordered an actual watch – the kind that goes on your wrist. I stalk the UPS truck (not just because the driver’s hot, mind you). Then, check out this crisis clinic status. Poor little watch! I love how the train is reported “late” after it derailed. I get it. Careening off the tracks at 60 mph makes trains late. Hope no one got hurt. The only thing missing is Tom Hanks and Wilson the volleyball in Castaway. (By the way, Tom Hanks was at the Timbers/Aston Villa friendly game last night. So cool.) Notice how all of the merchandise on the train was “discarded.” Yet five minutes later, the merchandise was reported “damaged.” Still wondering what time the watch will get here, if ever.
author | comedian
jacki kane 
i think i will go find my old watch too!