Thank you all for your kind words after my pity party yesterday. This third round of chemo has been way harder to rebound out of – emotionally, mentally and physically. Today, I got up and MADE myself go to the gym, where I ran into Sari. After Sari and I were comparing notes on how chemo was affecting us, another woman said to me, “You have cancer? I just thought you were a hipster!” Wha? I’m not hip. In fact, the kids took a picture of me today and I look like a sad turtle. A sad turtle with big, hipster-looking lab glasses.
I’m ready to regain control of my body. When I walk, my legs feel like runaway Herman Muenster. When I talk, I know what I want to say, but get thwarted by random words. It’s maddening. When I think about the most mundane task, like setting up folders for 2013, I get immediately overwhelmed. When this is over, I’ll be able to handle things normal people handle, like file folders. But for now, I’m stressing over holding onto some degree of sane. Lucky for me, all of your well wishing, knitting, homemade meals, kind words and just pure love are keeping me afloat on one level. But mostly, I’m a turtle on my back floundering to grab a hold of something to get upright.
FOUR POSITIVES:
1- Kate says, “People are doing all this nice stuff for you to see if they make it in your blog.” It’s SO your turn! Kate made me a modern-day dickie. It’s a beautiful hand-knit scarf circle I can wrap around my neck multiple times. It’s brilliant because the fleece scarf I use unravels and ends up in the sink and toilet. Thanks for talking a bunch of smack with me and suiting me up! Oh and knitting is rocket science to me.
2- Shonda came to see me, but it doesn’t count. I need way more Shonda time.
3- Brian brought home a platter that Karen and all my crafty friends made and signed that says: “We are all with you!” Right underneath that line, there’s my daughter’s signature, all caps, exclamation point, front and center, making me feel like the luckiest mom alive.
4- Sophie, my hair stylist at Caporricci Sweet, also cuts Sari’s hair – total coincidence. Today, she took Sari’s bob to a pixie, and it does look spectacular. Hope she gets to keep her hair longer than I did!
jacki kane 
You Are inspiration to me!! You’re also such a dear and loving loving loving friend! I hope and pray that this would be over sooner than later. Love reading your blogs and love knowing about your great attitude and your amazing family Have I sad I loved u to lately? Well I do love you
You don’t look like a sad turtle.
http://bit.ly/Uopx2B
You are an inspiration to me too Jacki! And btw I cry plenty, happy, sad any kind. I love reading your blogs and stories about your sweet loving family and the amazing strength you show through with your words. Big hug!!
What Cancer Can’t Do
Cancer is so limited. It cannot cripple love. It cannot shatter hope. It cannot corrode faith. It cannot eat away peace. It cannot destroy confidence. It cannot kill friendship. It cannot shut out memories. It cannot silence courage. It cannot invade the soul. It cannot reduce eternal life. It cannot quench the spirit. It cannot lesson the power of the resurrection. Amen—amen.
Bernice Chambers, 1987 Breast Cancer