Look, no hands

Arms either. If you’re dreaming of having a new rack, you might to rethink that. Getting breast reconstruction hurts like hell, and I’m one of those people with a pretty decent pain threshold. Plus, you’re not supposed to use your arms. (Don’t tell the doctor I typed this blog. I’m not supposed to do that either.) Every dish, every kid request, every everything has to be handled by Brian, so he’s not happy. I’m on narcotics for pain, so I can’t drive either. I can’t believe I’m yearning to do mundane tasks, like put my own clothes on, much less away. I know people have it way worse. I’m getting a claustrophobic feeling of wanting to escape my own body. No wonder. It’s been under attack since last November. To top it off, I couldn’t get Steven to write another blog. He said, “I don’t want to write about my mom in pain.” I was waiting for him to say, Because that’s so boring.

THREE POSITIVES:

1- Hey, at least I have hands. Arms too. They’re pretty cool, like how they pick stuff up, drive a car and go all crazy when I get cheesed.

2- Brian dropped me off at Case Study Coffee on his way to a meeting. So I’m watching people with steady paychecks and really cute shoes go to work. One day soon, I hope to have steady pay and cute shoes. Preferably in the fall.

3- Some of my friends who are also dealing with breast cancer have been told they have between 10-20 years to live. None of the medical staff I’ve worked with has said anything like that. If they did, I’d buck that thought off in a second. Seriously, who really knows besides whatever god you believe in?

One day near normal

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Today felt like getting a day off from jail. I woke up 33% less dizzy and sick. First, we went to Steven’s early basketball tournament, where I was well enough to stand up and scream when he sunk a clean three-pointer. Next, magic acupuncture with Tracy Anderson. Then, I headed to my pal Trina’s house and got to talk to her honey Ed and his mom. We sat around the kitchen table and talked like normal people. Trina and I went to the Artwalk, then to St. Jack for some mussels. Just like normal people! I told the server I couldn’t really do cocktails. So she made me a grown-up Shirley Temple with mineral water. So nice of them. I feel maxed out on toxins, so mineral water is about all I can handle. The whole time I was enjoying being like normal people, I couldn’t help but think I’m the snowman in the snowman book. Eventually, the sun is going to come out, and I’m going to melt. Lucky for me, I melted after I got home. So happy for one day of relief from chemo. So, so happy.

THREE POSITIVES:

1- I got to go out into the world today. I didn’t realize how much I missed it.

2- Debbie gave me fresh juice she made herself. I’m hooked. 

3- Steven’s team fought hard and won their game. So proud of them.