How can one day feel like three weeks? Today did. When I woke up, my spine was throbbing. Like can’t-catch-your-breath throbbing. I tried to walk and it felt like my hip bones were going to pop out and run away from me like a toddler with a cell phone. The advice nurse advised drugs, so I took over-the-counter stuff that knocked the edge off.
Besides taking care of my son, still home with pneumonia, all I had to do was go see my friend Katie Todd who does crazy powerful energy work. She gave me new insight on how I approach Weird Cancer Guy. Right now, I’m at FU status. But the tumor is still part of you, she said. It’s not a random space alien thing lodged in your chest. The tumor is made of cells that lost their way and their function. Oops. Sorry about that. We’ll get back to our regularly scheduled function. How cool would that be if it were that easy? Maybe it is. Maybe visualizing more of a healing energy is more powerful than visualizing violence? I’ll try anything.
This whole time, I thought I had surrendered. But not really. Today I learned that surrendering involves a degree of trust. Trust that things will work out. Trust is something Brian and I both have to get on the same page about because it feels so scary to not be frozen in fear. We’re change agent people. We “make” things happen to the point that if we’d just cut it the hell out, something actually would happen. This time, things are happening while my energy level is suspended. People are springing to our aid from everywhere. Whatever is supposed to happen, I take up the fight. But I surrender control.
THREE POSITIVES FOR TODAY:
1- Surrendering might make my butt look smaller.
2- My friend Molly dropped off an official Xena Warrior Princess notebook!
3- My friend Karen dropped off a wig made of feathers. It’s pretty cool actually.