Finally ripped the plastic off my dusty 2013 calendar today and curled the pages back to get to June. It’s as if January-May don’t count. The kids’ last day of school is next Friday, and I don’t have a plan. So I got together with my friends Shonda and Maria to talk about summer ideas to keep the kids occupied. In my mind, I thought we could switch kids around to prevent boredom. Like I could take the girls to do an art project while the boys did another activity. They leaned forward and wanted to take my kids completely so I can do radiation. But no! I want to take your kids too, I said. “Maybe next summer,” Maria said. “What am I going to say, ‘My kids are expecting way more energy out of you, Jacki.'” Oh hell. She’s right. I keep thinking I’m normal, but I’m not. Yet. I still need help.

THREE POSITIVES:

1- Steven made it through an entire day at school and seems to be feeling better. Tomorrow, we’ll see if he can go to school again. Today, he got a Phys Ed reward for being a good student in gym class. Awesome!

2- An employee at Subway was snarky rude to me today. Then, I realized I was wearing a hat so you couldn’t tell I’m all bald and cancery. So there’s no reason to be nice to me when I look like any other customer. Business as usual in SE Portland. My thought that I am closer to normal was confirmed when a prostitute and her pimp came into Subway and got in an graphic argument. Steven said, “Well at least I know what all those words mean.”

3- Liv crossed over from Brownies to Junior Girl Scout. I didn’t make it two weeks in Brownies, so I’m really proud of her. She cited crafts as the favorite thing she did in Brownies this year, making me twitch in fear. I don’t know my way around a glue gun. How am I going to keep her busy this summer sans crafts?

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About clevercopy

Stand-up comedian, professional copywriter and public speaker

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