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The other day, we talked about disaster management. Where would we meet if we had a fire, earthquake or volcanic eruption (from an actual volcano up the street, yo. Not from me!) What to do if a fire broke out in our house? Livvie said: “Stop, drop and roll.” First, we pointed out that you actually have to be on fire to make stop, drop and roll work. Then, we advised that anyone who does that in our house will get impaled on Craftsman furniture. Next up, we sounded the carbon monoxide alarm and fire alarm so the kids would know what to sleep through. Apparently, kids sleep right through alarms. Not Steven. The poor guy was up all night because he kept hearing the alarms in his head. They make an alarm you can use to record your own voice on it. Wha? My kids don’t listen to my voice on a good day. My bud Trina had the best plan ever – record messages about cake and ice cream! Mine would sound like this: “Attention, Sturkie children! An ice cream truck has overturned on Harrison Street. All children must eat the ice cream before it melts…stat!” Just see how fast they fly out of the house then.

THREE POSITIVES:
1- Brian took me out on a date…with all my friends. He totally surprised me. So nice to have a genuine grown-up night out. I SO would have dressed nicer if I had any clue.

2- Livvie decided to stop riding horses. I got so upset about that until the real reason hit me: Riding horses is our thing. She doesn’t want to do our thing anymore. It feels like a break up. She said: “But Mom, you have to try new things.” She’s right. So I’m going to take her spot and get back on a horse.

3- The kids will get to bed soon so I can get me Breaking Bad on!

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About clevercopy

Stand-up comedian, professional copywriter and public speaker

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