Welcome to the New Age, alright

I feel it in my bones.

Enough to make my systems blow.

I’m radioactive. Radioactive.

Coincidentally, the Imagine Dragons song follows me around. I’m closing in on week three of the ultimate tanning bed session. My skin is red, but not too bad. But when I sneeze, I feel like I’m at a crab feast and I’m the crab. My sternum is going to snap open, I swear. Other than fearing my skin will erupt into flames, it’s a pretty good day around here.

THREE POSITIVES:

1- Took Livvie to the pool and met up with a bucket full of kids. Out of nowhere, she grabs my arm and says, “I love you, Mom.” Gosh. I’m lucky.

2- I got to read half a chapter of a Chelsea Handler book before getting interrupted. Good thing it’s so short.

3- Bought a fresh pineapple at Kruger’s. Not once did I worry about where it came from. Hawaii, duh.

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The “Ketchup” blog

Firecrackers, ice cream and condiment jokes – it finally feels like summer around here. In our quest to make sure the kids have tools they can use to deal with other adversity like cancer, we took them to a family therapy session. Steven stunned us by saying: “They’re just the most amazing parents.” Livvie said: “I want ice cream,” then squirmed around like a three-year-old at the symphony. Clearly, talking about it makes her wildly uncomfortable. It’s cathartic to hear everyone tell the story from an individual perspective. What came through for me the most is the total respect and love we have for each other. Our neighbors have relationships like that with their kids, which turned out to be a lifelong thing. We would love that.

THREE POSITIVES:

1- Four days off of radiation. I love when things start to feel normal again, like when we all went to Target together or crack up at dinner. Here’s a sample:

Steven: “Mom, I told you to take your protein pills, not your hillbilly pills!”

And live from a Sturkie dinner: The splurtiest jokes in comedy…condiments:

Livvie: “What do you say to someone when you first see them in the morning?”

“Heinz!”

Steven: “What do you say when someone is slow?”

“Ketchup!”

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Living the dream with family outing at Target

 

Steven and Livvie devouring ice cream at Salt & Straw
Steven and Livvie devouring ice cream at Salt & Straw

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2- Steven and Livvie actually OFFERED to help me clean the house. So I bought them gigantor ice cream cones at Salt & Straw, which makes its own waffle cones right on the spot.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3- Awesome Fourth of July with an amazing family we’ve been friends with since preschool. I haven’t screamed, laughed and jumped out of the way of burning firecrackers in a while. Thanks for that, guys!

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Yay! Fire on a stick!

Forgot to tell you

Don’t miss the Spilled Milk Comedy Show tomorrow night. Brian is performing too!

TUESDAY, APRIL 30
5:30 pm doors / 7 pm show

“Spilt Milk!  You’ll Laugh

‘Til You Cry!” 

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Comedy Showcase benefiting Jacki Kane

Featuring Susan Rice

Betsy Kauffman

Joanie Quinn

& MC Wendy Westerwelle


O’Connors Restaurant

7850 S.W. Capitol Hwy Portland, OR 97219

503.244.1690

Tickets: brownpapertickets.com/event/344596

Cancer’s a joke

Saying yes to help can be pretty uncomfortable. I didn’t want to at first. But then I thought this is not just about me. We’ve got kids. Don’t be a jackleg, yo. Let people help because they’re our friends and they want to do something. One fundraising website, crafty fair and gigantic auction later, and we are able to pay medical bills and buy groceries. My comedy friends want to help, too. So they’ve put together a Comedy Showcase that is coming right up. If you’re in Portland, join us at the show. My man Brian is also performing. He once killed with a 20-minute set about plunging the toilet. Here are the details:

TUESDAY, APRIL 30 5:30 pm doors | 7 pm show
O’Connors Restaurant in the Vault
7850 S.W. Capitol Hwy Portland, OR 97219
503.244.1690

Featuring comedians Susan Rice, Betsy Kauffman and Joanie Quinn & MC Wendy Westerwelle

Tickets: http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/344596

THREE POSITIVES:

1- Took Xena the Warrior Princess Dog for a walk and ran across this – a pot of apple blossoms with a happy note inviting passers-by to take one. I love living here.Image

2- We split divine Ruby Jewel ice cream sandwiches after dinner!

3- The kids and I met with an art therapist at Good Sam. Really helped to all get on the same page and listen to their concerns. For Steven, it’s about planning. For Livvie, knowing where to be when. We’re all ready for the whole thing to be definitively over.

 

 

http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/344596

Your pants are on backwards and there’s butter on them

Yeah, that’s my morning with my six-year-old fashion queen. At least I didn’t have to dispense live worms in kindergarten. Leave that one to the professionals. Tonight is UBER CLEAN OPEN MIC at O’Connors over in Multnomah Village at 7 pm. Join us to laugh or take the stage. We’ll be practicing for our next shows at Curious Comedy Theater and Rave in the Nave. So it’s like a free show for you!

Brody Theater rocks

Empty stage at Brody. Not for long.

Open Mic Night. 9:45 pm sign up. Betsy and I get there after walking past a gaggle of drag queens over at Embers. Nothing makes me feel safer in a neighborhood than drag queens. I’m serious – if there’s one person you want defending you, it’s a drag queen. I have immense respect for anyone who can kick A in those heels.

Hands down, Brody Theater has the best open mic ever. That’s because the owner Tom is a veteran of stand-up comedy. So boy howdy does he know what it’s like. He didn’t even make us pay! And, there was an actual audience there, besides comics and musicians.

The audience appreciated Betsy Kauffman’s Jewish perspective on Christmas. They were nice to me too. They actually laughed. Another comic who impressed us was a 16-year-old guy named Alex from Vancouver. We’ve performed with him before at Curious. But this time was fantastic – he delivered some of the most original material we’ve seen. And his mother was there!! Go mom, supporting your stand-up comic kid and NOT letting him do blue material.

Now where did I leave my waist?