So I’m starting to learn I can only function until 3 pm, then I slump over. Today, I fell asleep standing up in SEARS small appliances. No one seemed to mind or notice. Spending this Christmas must have been good because the mall was wiped out. All I managed to find was a 50% off Audrey Hepburn calendar for Livvie. I really wanted to score a killer deal on a robe. I’ve had my robe since TAXI was on the air. There were no robes and no deals on the few robes that were there (No way am I paying $100 for anything, especially a robe.), even at Victoria’s Secret where I saw bins of glow-in-the-dark panties. Seriously? If you’re going down there, do you really need to see where you’re going? Can’t anything stay a secret?

THREE POSITIVES:

1- Accepted some qualified advice on my Kojak-dome: “Don’t shave it,” a bald man told me. “You’ll get nicked.”

2- The kids played with their friends all day, which always makes them very, very happy. Me too.

3- Zero mall inventory means zero shopping. I love writing and working with retail, but I hate shopping. My favorite part about the mall is leaving, a fact a lot of my friends find appalling. For the record, my dad says I’ve always been like that.

 

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About clevercopy

Stand-up comedian, professional copywriter and public speaker

2 responses »

  1. Linda Cahan says:

    It’s possible that falling asleep at Sears has nothing to do with Weird Cancer Guy :-))
    I am loving your posts!

  2. sally spaderna says:

    My sister bought me an excellent robe at JoAnn Fabrics (of all places) last Christmas. It’s great quality, and I know she wouldn’t have spent big bucks.

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