Whoa, it really has been five days since I posted. Round 4 of chemo has seriously wounded me this time. At 3 am one day, I woke up freezing cold and shaking uncontrollably. Then, I got super sick, and Brian had to get up and help me. I felt so bad about that. You don’t want your spouse having to clean up after your sick self. My ears ring almost constantly. I feel nauseated all of the time. I get headaches in a flash. And, I get mentally overwhelmed quicker than a toddler. With all the talk about everyone’s “journey” and staying positive, I almost feel like I’m not allowed to acknowledge how much this SUCKS. But it does suck. I’d like to see the Successories version of cancer: EVEN WHEN YOU’RE POSITIVE LIFE CAN STILL SUCK, SUCKAH! People have told me “don’t succumb to it” and “stay strong.” It’s getting harder for both Brian and me to keep that going. Is it a position of strength to acknowledge that my situation sucks, but it still is nowhere near as bad as some people’s?
THREE POSITIVES DESPITE SUCKING:
1- We got a mystery drop off of beautiful flowers and banana bread. Thank you, mystery person!
2- Loved seeing Silver Linings Playbook with Maria.
3- Steven said: “This cancer thing is going quicker than I thought.” Glad he thinks so!