Weird Cancer Guy isn’t going down easy. Yesterday, I felt like I had metal rods through my heart and throat with a rusty anvil in my stomach. I barely got up all day. Today’s only slightly better. My stomach and throat feel horrible. I’m thirsty, but even water makes me feel sick. When everyone leaves for the day, I fight the sorry-for-myself tears. I want to leave for my day. I want my day back. Waa! When I get it back, what will it look like? Right now, it’s a lot of “nevers” like these:

I will never take my health for granted again. Before if I wasn’t sick, I thought I was “healthy.” I need to build exercise into my schedule every day and stop using work as an excuse. Who cares about weight loss, I just want to feel amazing.

I will not think of myself as ugly. I’m all about making fun of my appearance – it’s a cheap shot I can easily administer to myself. But when suddenly you’re bald and your freaking eyebrows fell out, it’s time for a little self-compassion.

I will no longer worry about what I look like in a stupid bathing suit because really? Who cares? I do, however, worry if fake boobs float. Or do they behave themselves and stay in the suit?

I will not buy processed frozen food because I have “no time” to make fresh food. One thing chemo has done is make me crave fresh food. My friend Heather puts grapes in a carton. Everyone takes them out and gets snacking. That is easy, fresh food that takes like no time. I can do that.

THREE POSITIVES:

1-  I’m sitting upright. That’s one move closer to functional.

2-  I gave Steven a hard time about not sweeping the kitchen. This time, he was beaming.

3-  I gave Livvie a hard time for not cleaning her room. She wasn’t beaming.

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About clevercopy

Stand-up comedian, professional copywriter and public speaker

4 responses »

  1. Linda Cahan says:

    Okay, I now have a better perspective on my slight case of “tourista” from Venezuela.
    No excuses Linda – get out of the house!!!
    I love you Jacki!

  2. Jackie M says:

    You are beautiful.

  3. Elizabeth says:

    3 positives about YOU
    Your humor never wanes
    The love and support of family & friends will never wane
    There are a ga-zillion more positives that I am rolling into this one bucket XO

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