Weird Cancer Guy isn’t going down easy. Yesterday, I felt like I had metal rods through my heart and throat with a rusty anvil in my stomach. I barely got up all day. Today’s only slightly better. My stomach and throat feel horrible. I’m thirsty, but even water makes me feel sick. When everyone leaves for the day, I fight the sorry-for-myself tears. I want to leave for my day. I want my day back. Waa! When I get it back, what will it look like? Right now, it’s a lot of “nevers” like these:
I will never take my health for granted again. Before if I wasn’t sick, I thought I was “healthy.” I need to build exercise into my schedule every day and stop using work as an excuse. Who cares about weight loss, I just want to feel amazing.
I will not think of myself as ugly. I’m all about making fun of my appearance – it’s a cheap shot I can easily administer to myself. But when suddenly you’re bald and your freaking eyebrows fell out, it’s time for a little self-compassion.
I will no longer worry about what I look like in a stupid bathing suit because really? Who cares? I do, however, worry if fake boobs float. Or do they behave themselves and stay in the suit?
I will not buy processed frozen food because I have “no time” to make fresh food. One thing chemo has done is make me crave fresh food. My friend Heather puts grapes in a carton. Everyone takes them out and gets snacking. That is easy, fresh food that takes like no time. I can do that.
1- I’m sitting upright. That’s one move closer to functional.
2- I gave Steven a hard time about not sweeping the kitchen. This time, he was beaming.
3- I gave Livvie a hard time for not cleaning her room. She wasn’t beaming.