Some days, you write down a to do list for yourself and have an idea how things might go. Then, the shopping cart with the trick wheel careens out of control. Yeah, that was my day. Possible bleeding in one breast that’s swollen horizontally like a loaf of bread. I waited for a couple of hours to get in for an ultrasound. Then, I noticed a stream of moms and new babies heading to a meeting room. It’s the same meeting room I used to go with my new baby and where I met one of my best friends ever, Maria. In a flash, I remembered a baby bee little Steven doing River Dance kicks in a lime and blue-striped onesie. Wow, that was 11 years ago. I ducked in and said hi to Michelle, the group leader. “Can you believe I’m still doing this?” she said. “You’ve heard it all, right?” I said.
My name was called for the ultrasound. It too was the same room I had been in last November when they found the tumor. I remember sensing something was terribly wrong when the ultrasound tech stepped out and came back in with a cart, a doctor and a nurse. They asked questions like, “How old are your kids?” “Did you drive yourself here?” “We need to do a biopsy…” I just knew it was cancer. Being in that room today brought the memories back; but most importantly, a sense of relief because I’ve done chemo and surgery. The radiologist said the swelling was from fluid, not so much bleeding. So that’s good. Tomorrow I’ll find out from the doctor what the plan is to get rid of it. On the way home, I heard stories of survival and loss in Oklahoma that reminded me that this is nothing.
THREE POSITIVES:
1- Sending positive thoughts to families in Oklahoma.
2- Really meant to apply for a bunch of jobs today, but got derailed. There’s probably some weird reason this keeps happening. The day I found out I had cancer, I had a job interview. Brian said: “You’ll do anything to avoid full-time employment.”
3- A tiny hummingbird with a slick green back has been buzzing our yard and parking on a tomato cage to bathe. The kids and I are mesmerized by its every move. We’ve never had hummingbirds in our yard. Or, maybe we didn’t notice before.
jacki kane 