With all the grumpiness around here, you could say things are getting back to normal. The kids each blew their tops this weekend. Brian and I started a cleanse, which is making us crazy hungry like all the time. But, hey, I dropped four pounds since Monday. Does a pizza weigh four pounds? Imagine if I starved like this all the time. Actually, you’re supposed to ply tons of fruits and vegetables in your pie hole all day, but you only stay satiated for about five minutes. Meanwhile, with work, kids’ schedules, speaking, blah blah, my multi-tasking skills are suffering. Yesterday, I caught a quesadilla on fire. It looked like a little Kilauea coming out of the oven with tiny molten flames licking at the air. I would have let it burn, too, because it looked so cool. But then I heard, “Mom!” from a hungry Steven yelling at me about his afterschool snack inferno. He ate it anyway. Low standards pay off every time. The next morning, I made a new cuisine: Blackened Waffle. No recipe required, just set the toaster to ten. Or 11, if you’re into Spinal Tap.

THREE POSITIVES:

1-  Watching a baker slap dough into French bread at Ste. Honorare is fascinating. Oh no! Now the baker is talking to a customer about how great the food is in Portland. As in, you should move to Portland just for the food. Just the place for me right now. The bread is in the oven getting all gooey hot in the middle, golden brown and crunchy on the outside. Help me.

2-  Brian and I went for tea yesterday. Not coffee. On a cleanse, you can’t have coffee yo. Weekly meetings are a practice we decided to keep doing. We compared perceptions about stuff we’re noticing – that the kids are at cruising speed into tween territory.

3-  Livvie and I went to City Target yesterday looking for Halloween costume ideas. She’s gone from wanting to be a panda to a rainbow. Steven and I went to see Gravity in 3D IMAX. None of the actors had to barf, which I was really happy seeing. I’m tired of seeing people hurl on TV and movies. I sure as hell don’t want to see barf in three dimensions.

4-  BONUS POSITIVE! Just discovered this blog that’s tearing up the internet. I LOVE how the “Ninja” mom handled the ultimate in-store meltdown situation: http://themattwalshblog.com/2013/09/15/dear-parents-you-need-to-control-your-kids-sincerely-non-parents/

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About clevercopy

Stand-up comedian, professional copywriter and public speaker

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